My wife (who is Korean) was telling me how her friend and her husband back in South Korea had just taken out a large loan to purchase an apartment far away from her husband’s parents. In Korea there is a lot of inter-generational stress between daughter-in-laws and their mother and father in-laws, particularly when the daughter-in-law has children. Instead of trying to reason with her in-laws my wife’s friend and her husband thought it would be better to move away. The loan and because of it her necessity to continue working, was the price of greater independence.
Last year I was speaking to a Malawian friend of mine who explained to me that one of the reasons that many young men in Malawi desire to travel away from their hometowns to work was so they could escape, temporarily he was quick to add, their dense familial relationships and obligations. Saving money in such an environment, and hence preparing for the future was difficult.
Without objecting in anyway with the decision of my wife’s friend or Malawian men, I do find it odd how we as human beings are so loath to reason with those close to us but so quick to do so with those comparatively distant. We will discuss all day the reasonableness or unreasonableness of the actions of politicians or celebrities and come to agreement or not. But often we find it easier to simply run away from reasoning with those close to us.
And perhaps that is for the best. Considering the unlikelihood of an amicable compromise and the costs of unamicable relations, avoiding the issue may be the most constructive course of action.
Often I hear Westerners saying “if only so and so changed their attitude about so and so things would be better.” But often creative solutions such as running away are more practical and realistic while at the same time they often provide opportunities to people that they wouldn't otherwise have.
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